Raju Srivastava starts indefinite hunger strike against Google.

New Delhi, Raju Srivastava, the famous stand up comedian, along with few other well known faces in laughter challenge, has started hunger strike against Google's translation service. Raju said that their livelihood is under threat since long time and now they are being kicked in stomach by MNC giant as well.

"First of all due to some new songs on Shiela and Munni followed by Yana Gupta's stunts, demand of comedy for entertainment has gone down. Kya batayen, most politicians and actors are making a joke of themselves and people no longer turn to us for a joke. After super flop performance in Bihar elections for instance, Rahul Gandhi evokes laughter without any jokes. Things have come to point where a mom no longer threatens a crying child with Gabbar, she just shows a picture of Rahul Gandhi and the child starts laughing hysterically. Unfortunately, such events are happening that random people can make good jokes on them. These days any tom, dick, and Subhash is making 5-8 jokes on onion per week. We were barely making our ends meet when we were hit by far bigger problem of Google's hindi transation service. You just need to type a sensible sentence in hindi and it instantly produces a joke in English" said Raju with poignant face.

His friends expressed similar opinions and said government must ban Google translate in India to save livelihood of sons of the soil.

A comedian friend advocating Raju's points.

Google Translate from Hindi to English in action.

Eyewitness account of Paras Shah incident.

I only speak key and nothing but key (sancho).

Paras was tired after attending many functions in the day and was already drunk when he met Rubel and other foriegners. Paras was drunk enough to reach 'Kaminey' stage where confusion between 'Sha' and 'Pha' starts to happen. He shared his drink with Rubel and others as a courtesy.

Rubel was feeling dizzy already so he threw most of his drink on floor seceretly. Paras noticed that Rubel finished his drink very fast and he asked "tero drink khoi". Rubel consulted his nepalese speaking friends and replied "Phale...". Paras heard it as "saale" he became angry and thundered "himmat chha bhane ek choti pheri bol". After consultation Rubel said "kati choti bhanu, Phale Phale Phale". Paras was seething with extreme anger now.

Rubel wanted to go to toilet and thought it would diffuse the situation and also make him feel less dizzy. Paras and his friends were standing near the way to toilet so Rubel said in bengali-hindi "Bhadrajan sorenge... hum padenge" (could you please shift a bit I want to put my feet forward). Paras was completely out of control now and he fired a shot in air to calm himself. 

Shocked by sudden turn of events Rubel lost control of his urinal and intestinal muscles and wetted his pants on both sides. This is also reason why there is continued confusion on how many shots were fired. In effort to protect himeslf and Deputy PM from becomming butt of jokes, Rubel quickly started behaving as if Paras was trying to kill him and the shot was targeted towards him.

Additional reporting:

In major development which strengthens above testimony investigator of high profile cases Taranath Ranabhat has found "Pahelo Padarth" on Rubel's pants. He dodged queries on nature of the material. When asked from where and how the material came on the pants he jokingly said "ratatatatataatata bhatatatatatata gardai aayo".

Owner of world's biggest onion wants to kill himself

Guntur. Harish Rao, 27 year old farmer from Yedlapalli village near Guntur of Andhra Pradesh owns the field in which world's largest onion is growing. The onion is already 20 meters in diameter and expected to grow another 3-4 meters in next few weeks. If price of onion continues upward momentum then in next 2-3 weeks Rao's onion could be worth upwards of Rs 200 crores.

However, soon after a local newspaper published reports about the onion, Harish has been facing problems on daily basis. Firstly it was a film director, infamous for creating super flop version of Sholay who started pressurizing him to finance his next movie on a local gangster. Some of the actresses associated with the director even tried to seduce Rao which has brought his married life to ruins. Furthermore, a singer credited with creating musical therapy for constipation called "jhalak dikhla ja, ek baar aaja aaja aaja" has approached him for funding his new venture "mmmannnnn ka TV". The singer sent Harish an iPod loaded with his upcoming songs. Harish a vegetarian who understands little of Hindi was unimpressed by the songs which were mostly about tandoori, kurma and kebabs.

Some people from film fraternity have offered genuine help as well. For instance Akshay Kumar said in a statement “Even my critics agree I have given a very strong string of flops, if the string helps Harish in extraction and transportation of the onion I would feel it has served its purpose.” A rival actor who celebrated when recent Akshay movie flopped, sensed conspiracy in Akshay's gesture. "You see, he is having difficult time breaking the string himself", he said.

Not to be left behind, a range of entrepreneurs have approached Harish for Venture Capital. A group of software engineers wanted Harish to be part of their company which sells virtual medicinal plants on facebook. CEO of the company Hari Sadhu told the reporter that a person can grow herbs like tulsi, ginger, cloves in his Farmville and send them fresh to friends suffering from cold. “What’s the use of posting ‘get well soon’ on the wall which does not help the patient anyway” said Sadhu. He commented on Harish, "With his real life farming experience and ability to fund operations for foreseeable future, partnership with Harish will be a win-win proposition for us". Harish is finding it hard to evaluate such business ideas.

Meanwhile in district revenue department babus were busy preparing plans to get the onion farm under government control. "We may notify the land for a national highway, or for setting up agricultural research center whichever will be faster" said an officer. With lot of money from the government coffers going out in scams, government needs additional sources of revenue for continuing further scams. "This is serious matter for government as it is directly linked to livelihood of lakhs of civil servants and politicians" said a mandal revenue officer.

Harish is paying thousands of rupees every day for tents in which his earlier unknown 450 relatives are staying next to his house. He faces emotional blackmail from all of them who want him to solve their financial problems. A vexed Harish threatened to commit suicide because he is unable to take the stress. "No government, filmmaker, relatives, and engineers came to help me when I had to sell my kidney to buy fertilizers" said Harish with grief.